He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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