so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
