Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
