I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize