Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
