if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
