trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
