So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
