I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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