If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
