i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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