I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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