I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
