the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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