There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
