i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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