But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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