who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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