Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
