I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
