you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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