Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize