he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
