I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
