hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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