Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
