you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
