wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
