And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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