Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
