Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
