in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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