did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
