the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm getting married
To pizza
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
