How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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