I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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