im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
