I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
