So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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