were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i need to put some appletini on your dick
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
