ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
