I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
