i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
