Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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