I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
