Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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