hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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