I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
