Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
