Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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