worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
