I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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