And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
