my mouth tastes like poor choices
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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