You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
