chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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