dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
