What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
