i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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