i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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