Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
