My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize