Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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