It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry about my life...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
