There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
